~cyberhell

I'll manage *nods*

Don't know when it was started,
Yet I could feel myself shudder whenever I tried to pick up the brush,
Then I realized,
One thing that I hold dearly for life,
Had turned against me,
And caged me in my own fear,
The brush that I used to create new life,
Turned into nightmare,
Dream turned into ashes,
World shattered,
Fear killed my will to create.


... Maybe I need to go and check the doctor again to get new prescription *sighs*

When I thought this is only a normal art-block... it turned to be something more serious than just a normal no-idea-what-to-draw art-block. I haven't touched my sketchbook and pens for a whole month now, and I've tried to force myself to 'at least' produce something (even if they're only a mere scribble/sketches)

Then when I hold my pencil to sketch, I just realized that my hand started shaking and decided to go 'die' on its own. Something really go wrong right now... I think. I hope it's not something permanent though, since it'd be suck...

And the worse thing is I've no idea what caused it. My first and only guess is probably it caused by stress *shrugs* and the tempt to just destroy my hands are getting higher *head desks*

So I'll apologize in advance now if I disappeared for some time from drawing. I need to get the 'fear' away from myself first before I could draw normally again *sighs*

I've posted this entry in every accounts (for arts stuff or journals) that I had lol Because IMO, homophobia is something very silly. Not just silly, but something very stupid.

Maybe, the bible and church teach us that people with the same gender to love each other is a sin. Though I don't really think that way... (and I can tell 'normal' or may I say a close minded people will start bashing me up after this).

And I guess people are homophobia because they're scared and started to bash them to prove themselves that they're still 'normal' (which is stupid indeed).

I guess if you don't like them, leave them and keep your own comment to yourself.

"Don't judge the book by its cover."

Peace to the world.


*****

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am a warrior for my country serving proud, but can't be my true self because gays aren't allowed in the military.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."


This is the boy, Matthew Shepard. On October 7, 1998 Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. KILLED BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!!!

---IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS
AS "HOMOPHOBIA."

---IF YOU ARE IGNORANT... IGNORE

Intolerance is ignorance and there's too much of it in the world. We're all people any way you look at it. And in this day and age you would think we would have evolved enough to find ways of making the world better and not finding new prejudices and wars to fight.

I still can't believe it... just yesterday me and group of friends talked about him being in the "Dark Knight" and how cool he looks like in the movie trailers and all...

Then one morning when I was still asleep, I was awaken by my friends' sms

"Heath Ledger was found dead."

As simple as that.

Heath.... *sobs and wails* R.I.P and you're still alive in each of your hard works and in our hearts.

News: [link]

Mwahahahaa, I'm turning 23 now <3 hell yeah, give all of your yaoi porn to me!

w00t!!!





*is kicked*

X_x;